My Shadow Self


Last night I had a dream. I was looking in the mirror when I saw that the person in the mirror was changing a little: she had a fringe and a scowl. I moved closer and to the left and she stayed there, looking at me! I tried to tell Herve “My reflection is different to me! Look. Look! My reflection is different to me but he couldn’t hear…he was looking but he was like an imbecile, a clown just smiling and moving his head…his reflection was also different. I threw a chair at his feet to startle him out of the ‘happy trance’ but he didn;t react. I ran from the room screaming and a chair hit my back. The real Herve woke me gently when he heard me making noises in my sleep. I told him my dream.

My reflection is different to me.

Now I am here, awake and I realise it is what I have been thinking for months. What people see is different from the real me.

I called this girl in the mirror back and asked he what message she had. She was just really pissed off with everything and everyone. She was angry and hurt and resentful and envious. I tried to make her laugh but she then told me off for putting her in situations that she doesn’t want to be in. People hurt her and take advantage of her. She would prefer to be alone without anyone. People scare her and annoy her. She didn;t like it when I laughed and tried to cajole her.

She had a permanent scowl 😦

Poor inner shadow side me 😦

Ok. So we have met. Not sure what is next. I thanked her for showing herself and coming in to the light.

This journal is really becoming my psych! lol


Archangel Uriel


This is my latest painting 90 x 120cm. I used real feathers from goose and even cockatoo feathers from the national park. I think he is beautiful, I hope he doesn’t mind I painted him so young. He holds the Central Sun between his hands. We have our own central sun within us. He is reminding us of this. I feel a connection with him. Perhaps I am a fractal of a fractal of a fractal of Archangel Uriel 🙂


The Upside down Magician

In tarot, the magician card is about trusting that you have everything that you need to move forward. Your motivations, your skills, the timing are all right and you have everything you need: not just in the material world but you also have a strong connection to the spiritual realms and enough grounding to start, persevere and succeed.

I got the upside down magician.


This greatly disappoints me.

But I get it too. It means I need to be patient and to expect delays. It means my plans are not grounded, they’re not ready yet. I am distracted by lots and lots of things. I do have a connection to the highest realms and I am getting a lot of help and guidance. I’m also doing many good and worthwhile things. The problem is that I am not consolidating what I am learning. I am jumping from one thing to the next thing and not incorporating them.

Right now for example, I am in the middle of:

  • Learning about shamanism and Earth and self reverence and the sacred circle with Heather
  • Learning about shamanism from the book by Alberto Villoldo
  • Year of Ceremony monthly rituals and journeys
  • Learning about the 8 ways of Master Po
  • Learning about healing modalities with Ashati guides after all the activations
  • Learning from the Arcturians about my vortex and the Arcturian corridoor
  • Learning the tarot
  • Soon I will start the book with Sue O
  • Work videos and presentations

That’s a lot of learning. I will not start ANYTHING new until I have finished and consolidated all of this learning. I will start the next level Ashati in late September, giving me time to process and incorporate shamanism with full understanding into my healing.


Shamanic Journeying to heal ancestors

This month’s Year of Ceremony journey was lead by Hank Wesselman. He is a very good teacher. I will take two major things from his teachings:

  1. My Inner garden (the place I visit in my meditations) can be ‘gardened’

This week, when I went in to it, I planted sunflower seeds and a frangipani seedling. I look forward to watching them grow. I also allowed the river to pool into a little pond where dragonflies wizzed around and grasses grew. It is more and more visible and beautiful to me. Hank said that anything we do in our inner garden will reflect in our real waking life. I’m going to weed next time 🙂


  1. It is possible to heal those who have passed.


Hank spoke about how we are all connected and that the dead remain around through us and even around us for a few generations. When we heal ourselves we heal those that have come before and those that come after. I set the intention before the journey to meet and offer healing to my grandmother but instead it was my grandfather “poppy’ who came. We hugged and did a little fun jig and he accepted healing. He lay on a high thin bed. I invited a healing angel to come. I started my own healing for poppy. At some point a very big angel in armour came to stand at the foot of the bed and smothered us in the strongest light. I felt many , many souls around poppy, in a circle around the bed, heads bowed. Each had their hand on a nearby shoulder that spread around the entire group, eventually leading to one hand on my shoulder as I sent healing through my hands to poppy. We were all connected and all lending our love and energy to the healing. I thanked them all and hugged poppy then left. It was magical.


Journey work is very different to trance channeling. In the latter, you allow a spirit to come through you and give a message etc. In the former, you enter another world and in this space many more things are possible.