Resisting the B word

Obviously I have some block and issues about starting a business. I get very defensive with Herve when we talk about me starting up a business for healing and art. Yesterday it happened again yesterday I tried to unpack it:

So, I had a business “Creative Hearts Education” back when I didn’t want to work full time as I wanted to keep my children as an absolute priority. I knew they were the most important things for me at that time and I dedicated my time to them, to bringing them up the best I could. I did not want to work when they were very little because I wanted to just love them and teach them and prepare them for life. Then I didn’t want to work a lot during their primary years because…well, I know what I’m like: a perfectionist achiever! So I started a business (after trying other things with disastrous results) painting murals and commissioned works and teaching afternoon and school holidays art classes to children. I enjoyed it all mostly but..

There are two parts to any business. the actual doing part of what you love. For example the healing and the channeling and painting…and then there is the shitty part of the business. If I actually break it down, I don’t mind making a website and advertising myself and getting clients and business name etc etc. It’s the whole concept of money that is the problem.

I se other people in this healing work struggling with money. Struggling with doing the work and getting money for doing it, (I am over that one: I put the money I get from clients into a gold box and don;t spend it. I see them struggling with letting go of their old life/ work.

This is why I respond negatively. I realise I think Herve thinks I need to make money…like he did when I avoided going back to work for our children and starting my own business when we really needed to make more money to help our family set up for the future. We used to have arguments back then. I am still carrying this belief now but actually it is not true at all. We no longer need the income and in fact I still get an income but this time from the properties that Herve bought for us during that difficult time.

So, what is it I am actually resisting? I think I am using him as an excuse to start. Perhaps I fear failure? But what is their to fail at? I know I am a good healer and my channeling is getting better and better…therefor my fears are unfounded. Even if I do not get many clients or money…who cares? No one needs money! So, will my pride be hurt? Possibly…but that’s just more about my marketing and advertising than about my actual abilities. And actually I don;t want so many clients that I feel exhausted and overwhelmed just likeI have been over the last 9 years trying to prove myself at teaching…so?

Get over it Fran.

Your holding on to old shit and can let all this go. Just have fun and enjoy the next stage. I want to get more clients because I love this work and want to help people for my own soul expression. Period. All the rest will sort itself out with ease and with Divine flow.

So, I am defining what I actually want to offer and it seems obvious to me now…channelings, intuitive readings and channelings; and artwork based on readings and channeling.

I still have some reservations…am I good enough? Will people think I am worth paying for? Will I be criticised? What is this channeling thing I do? (haha…maybe I’ll never quite get to the Truth of that one 🙂

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