Part 2 (Cont.) You’re (mostly) a good girl :)

So, had a night’s sleep after a bit chat with Herve (who told me his love is unconditional…and actually it always has been) and woke up with some more clarity.

It’s all well and good to recognise a belief you hold but I must work through this to the end. You see, this is actually not new…I think we all know our issues as they are always going around and round in our minds. But there is a big difference to the records being played in your head and responding, robot-like, to everything around you, and actually shifting it out so you no longer get triggered.

So, recognising that I am addicted to the idea of being ‘good’ (and good for me means being kind, patient, compassionate, forgiving, understanding, friendly to everyone, understanding, generous, tolerant of all differences, helpful, calm and ….quiet) so that when I catch myself, or worse somebody else catches me (that’s where the aversion to criticism comes in), I have a hard time!

I feel shame, guilt and embarrassment. To help myself feel less of these emotions, I usually shift the blame to someone else…the person who caught me out or the situation itself…whatever. But mostly, I am angry and disappointed at myself and blame creates even more guilt and shame…I’m my own worst critic. I am far harsher with myself than with anyone else. Certainly I do not demonstrate to myself kindness, forgiveness, understanding, patience, tolerance, compassion and generosity! My love for myself has been conditional.

The beauty of healing and understanding the Hermetic laws (everything is mental) is the knowledge that all of this is in the mind (conscious and subconscious). All of it! I’m here to experience all of this and use it to expand. It seems all real but it’s all play and creative imagination. I need merely reprogram my biocomputer through suggestion to the subconscious part of my mind with the assistance of the Superconsciousness (invoking my Higher Self).

I retrain my mind to accept that yes, I prefer to be a good person, with all that that entails, but I’m not addicted to it. When I was addicted to being good, I would HAVE TO be good, no matter what! And when I was, I didn’t acknowledge it (maybe just short term) and was mostly indifferent to myself or feeling relief. And if I was NOT good? well…blame, shame and pain!

Now I decide to make a conscious choice. A preference. I also choose to remove the word good, as it has too many childish connotations, and simply reprogram my mind with the suggestions (visualisations and phrases) that I am loving and loved.

I use all of my powers towards the following aim:

I am Loving and I am loved. I give love and I receive love.

Each day, in every way, I love that I am growing and expanding in love.

This means that when I am demonstrating the behaviours of being loving (listed above under ‘good’), I feel that life is great, things are flowing in perfect harmony and order, and I feel satisfied. Calm. Strong. Grateful.

However, when I do not demonstrate these qualities or behaviours, that’s perfectly fine too. Maybe I am even the opposite sometimes. I am human. I am learning and each day I am releasing all that no longer serves my highest good. But I’m patient with the process and patient and loving with myself. Generally I am loving but I am housed in a body and it has chemicals and hormones that serve a purpose for my good but they can affect my moods:

🙂

I am also subject to the ideas, beliefs, emotions and perceptions of others and situations. I can learn to take a breath, look from the Hanged Man’s point of view and give myself a bit of slack…just swing and let the life-force flow through me.

I am also more able to apologise as I no longer have to defend my ‘goodness’. Being good is just a preference, I’m not addicted to the idea anymore and it’s OK to express all of myself. I need to be true and sincere to myself as well as others.

And if I am criticised? (the trigger of this whole exploration), well, that is the other person’s perception (from their own ‘picture of life’) and I can’t control that or even understand it as who the hell knows what’s going on underneath their cover…I’m having enough trouble sorting out my own! But I can recognise that my own behaviour may or may not have been appropriate and either make amends or make a conscious (not threatened/fearful/victimised) choice about my behaviour or even my relationship with that person.

In truth, all I am learning is to better understand myself in order to greater love myself. I am learning to give love and receive love …to and from myself.

And that Love is Unconditional.

My heart is full of gratitude that I have Spirit, especially Mary Magdalene, to help me unpack and come to greater AUTHENTIC love of self. A real embodiment of ALL, not judged, not tainted with concepts of sin or any form of ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

I AM

Na-Eve

 

Getting Stuck and how to get Unstuck

Feeling stuck and lost are the emotional, mental and physical manifestations of beliefs.

A belief is just a repeated thought that is concentrated so much that it manifests into form as “real”. Beliefs only exist because we have created and confirmed and maintained them.

Beliefs can exist on a personal level, ie: I’m unworthy’, “I am poor”. But they also exist on the nation or even world consciousness level, ie: “We need to protect our borders”, “Muslims are terrorists’. If enough people invest in the concept (or are relentlessly manipulated through fear to accept it), it grows and grows into a belief, often existing within a system of beliefs that support it, ie: “the world is unsafe!’ This reality exists because the majority have chosen to agree for it to exist and we have repeated the thoughts that created it, in order to maintain its existence.

The wise ones say that things exist but have no inherent existence. We are such creative beings that we have created powerful beliefs that many do not question: even the things we think are inherent, like human rights and equality. These beliefs can be so culturally ‘ingrained’ that it is hard to go against the flow. We have created whole institutions around our beliefs. Schools exist in physical form because we believe that ‘education is important’ and this is what we have come up with and maintained as a collective. Marriage exists because we believe that a man and a woman together is ‘natural’ and they should commit …and then have a baby in this partnership (of course there are more open minded versions around the world thank goodness). We are so creative we then create more and more rules and beliefs within our institutions: Priests can’t be sexually active, wealthy or married because these worldly things are ‘wrong’ and should be removed as they would just distract and prevent them from reaching spiritual heights. They did not realise that we need to be grounded, rooted and secure and balanced in all ways physically in order to expand in awareness and spiritualiry.

But trying to go outside the boundary of group norms and cultural beliefs can be tricky.

People publicly proclaim and defend a belief. We love it when we find others who support our beliefs because then we feel vindicated, safe, comfortable. We know the routine. It’s easy to know and be told what to do and how to think. It’s far easier to know that you just need to show up, be on time, wear the accepted clothes and share the beliefs of everyone around you, even if you all complain and hate what you do day after day.

Just questioning some beliefs will be met with ridicule, condemnation, anger, disgust or worse. That’s because it threatens the safe and comfortable world of not having to think too much about changing beliefs. Most people like to think they are ‘different’ to everyone else but are usually more comfortable with security, predictability and boredom than risking insecurity, disappointment and challenge. Just the idea of change is scary enough.

This exists in all areas…not just the everyday existence of the 9 to 5 tax paying ‘decent and fair-minded’ battlers. It also exists amongst the more spiritually minded people and even amongst the smaller groups that think they exist outside any system. We ALWAYS exist within group belief boundaries, no matter the group we belong to or its size.

So how does all of this relate to being stuck?

When your level of consciousness starts to rise and you start to question things …but you are still living within the very belief systems and individuality-limiting institutions and groups, …you start to feel different. This is really, really scary! No one wants to be alone, outcast, side-lined. So even though the ground beneath you (that held you up and supported you for so long) starts to crumble beneath your feet, you stay. You just start scrabbling at all the broken pieces to put them back in place under your feet and be comfortable again. You deny that anything is wrong “it’s not so bad..it’s better than…”, or you delay, “next year I’ll…I’ll just wait til….,” or you drink or take drugs or do anything other than leaving the existence that you have outgrown, but is still safe and familiar ….and on and on it goes.

You are stuck.

Unable to go back due to outgrowing the old, unable to move forward due to fear of the unknown.

How to get unstuck?

What Pema Chodron calls ‘unconditional confidence’ and ‘shaky tenderness’ towards yourself are what is required. The ability to face the strong waves of sideway glances or ridicule and massive changes, and keep getting up until eventually the waves don’t seem to affect you so much anymore. Accepting that you think differently and you are changing and that is perfectly OK. Being kind to yourself and patient with the changes. Getting out of the negative self-talk patterns by punctuating the sob-stories with silence and the breath.

Take deep breaths and smile.

All things are possible and you are one of the brave. All possibilities are open to you.

And welcome to the beginning of your ascension 🙂